I once called myself a completionist. In reality, however, it’s been a while since my last platinum trophy. But, as I progressed through Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII Reunion … I wanted that to change. So, I went out of my way to obtain missable trophies and items. I chipped away at the seemingly endless number of missions, kicking and screaming through a countless amount of overpowered enemies.
It was then that I arrived at the hidden superboss of this game. Minerva. She’s by no means immortal — there are ways to defeat her, but each and every one is … frustrating. And, after a handful of attempts, I am confident in my belief that I will probably not beat Minerva, at least not anytime soon.
A Game of Patience (and Stress)
I will do my best to explain what this boss is like for those who aren’t fans of the Final Fantasy franchise. Minerva has, at least on normal difficulty, a total of 10,000,000 HP. So, ordinary attacks are pretty much out, especially if you don’t want this fight to drag on forever. So, to fully maximize my damage output, I went through the annoying process of collecting each piece of Genji equipment.
I also opted to equip one of the strongest materia in the game — Costly Punch — and between all of my equipment and materia, my HP was at around 90K to 93K. You see, the way Costly Punch works is, it inflicts more damage the higher your total HP is. So, with over 90K HP, surely it would be a powerhouse! It definitely was — each successful Costly Punch inflicted 99,999 damage on Minerva.
Related: Crisis Core Reunion: How to Fight Minerva, the Secret Boss
I could’ve taken the time to gain a few more levels, but the way this game’s leveling system works, I could easily spend another thirty hours grinding and still only gain like … three levels. So … I decided to take my chances and fight Minerva. But, before I did, I made sure to equip a Steal materia, because you can take a total of 99x Phoenix Downs if you’re lucky. I was. Several times, to be honest.
I would start the battle by immediately stealing the 99x Phoenix Downs and using one. Then, I’d just keep using Costly Punch any chance I could without immediately dying. And when I would die, I would get back up and use another Phoenix Down. If I could keep this up, it’d only take 101 hits to bring her down. But, given that I’m writing this piece … I couldn’t keep it up.
The Definition of Insanity
I was able to get her down to … around 2,500,000 HP from her original total of 10,000,000. I believe this was the farthest I was able to get in this battle before I had a realization.
I remembered the immortal words of Vaas Montenegro from Far Cry 3 when he gave us the definition of insanity. If you’ve never played Far Cry 3, Vaas says that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing, over and over, expecting something to change. I realized that was exactly what I was doing here. But, as there was really no other realistic method to ending this superboss … I decided to put it away.
Literally. I took the game out of the console and put it back into its case, because if I didn’t … I might have snapped it in half. It’s entirely possible that someday I’ll give this boss another shot. And who knows, when that day comes, I may find that I was missing something critically important.
But, until that day … I am okay with not beating Minerva. I did mostly everything else, so in my opinion, I at least got an honorary platinum trophy, and that has to count for something, right??
